Interestingly enough the Google definition of the word friend states that it is “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.” When we also look at the definition of the word affection, we notice it states that it is “a gentle feeling of fondness or liking…”. What I like about the first definition is the fact that it is a mutual affection, and usually that mutuality is assumed. If mutuality is assumed that raises an interesting point, how do you know you truly are friends? It varies for different people, it may come in the form of having similar ideals, similar goals, similar interests, or even due to having a similar or familiar environment. Unfortunately or potentially fortunately we realise there are some class of friends that don”t deserve the title whatsoever, and it comes down to the fact that they are or have become a negative form of energy and contact in your life. Sometimes you had an initial feeling from the beginning of the “friendship” that there is something not quite right, or they may have elements of toxicity, but you gave them a chance and ignored that initial internal perceptive feeling. This can be quite sad especially if it is not in your nature to sidestep or cut people out of your life.
Toxic friends are very dangerous species as they have the ability to suck you into their toxicity. It”s even worse when a relationship you have with mutual friends or acquaintances of this toxic person most likely has to be compromised due to the ties, connections, and possible communication you could have with that toxic individual. It”s a shame that they may not even ever know why you do not communicate with them, but for whatever reason misinformation from the toxic friend, or fanciful ideas they may create, allows the person to see you as someone with no integrity, or class you as someone who is rude, when really all you”re doing is protecting yourself and potentially protecting them in the long run. There may be many reasons as to why you say nothing to them and cut yourself off from them all.
You can always tell when a friendship is toxic and it normally involves (But not limited too):
- Being involved in activities that you are not comfortable doing
- A feeling of discontentment and annoyance when being around them
- A lack of trust and respect for one another
- A sense of waiting for each other to mess up so you can call it quits
- Complete unproductiveness, drawbacks, limitations and negative influences
- No real rapport, banter, or commonality with each other
You may ask why were you friends in the first place? The main reason is environment. If you are in an environment long enough, or if you are in a confined space with a few individuals, you may temporarily have an initial compatibility to them, attraction, liking or whatever it is. You may even feel pressured or forced to get to know them, and it confuses you to use the term friendship for them. However the longevity of that initial temporary attraction gets defeated when reality kicks in. It may feel like it was such a waste of time being involved in a “friendship” that succumbed to nothing, and unnecessary casualties were involved along the way, but life always finds a way of telling people why things were done, you just have to be open and perceptive to receiving these opportunities to aid your understanding. Life is only life when you learn from your experiences, so that”s all they merely are, learning experiences.
If you have toxic friends in your life, let them know, and/or don”t be afraid to let them go no matter what the relationship is based on.