So you’re in a relationship

There are times when you’re in a relationship and you or your partner may hang around with various people from various settings, i.e. from work, church, society meetups etc. If there is no real basis for the relationships that you form with these people, there may not be a level of real respect there, and may be based on a light hearted relationship based on banter. This may seem all well and good at first until they realise that you are in a relationship. This realisation may come from the fact that you may have said something because you felt another person was getting too close to you, a question may have been asked therefore you replied with an appropriate answer revealing you are in a relationship, you told them in confidence or to allow everyone to know where they stand with you, or they may have found out through other means. It’s understandable some people may feel like they should tell everyone that they are in a relationship, but not everyone wants to do that, and they shouldn’t expect or feel like they are only doing that to warn people off. Regardless people feel they need to know the information, and feel like the person in a relationship should say it straight away.

The main point I want to focus on briefly today is how a person composes themselves when they do find out. There is the person who treats their friend like they are single and advocates that that person should still see other people in an open relationship. The hilarious thing about this is that they say it in a joking way, yet it’s not very funny. To even joke about that reveals something about the person, and highlights that they are not in for your best intentions, rather they want entertainment. A person should not encourage cheating, or distrust of any sorts. The best thing to do in those situations is to put them in their place, or stop hanging around with them, especially if they continue to encourage negative behaviour.

The second type of person acts completely different when they find out you are in a relationship even though they were so adamant that you two were just friends. Remember the word “friendship” is a very lose one to some. This person again does not respect the fact that you are in a relationship, and for some reason it bothers them. They knew there was a possibility you could be especially if there is an initial attraction from friendship, but to hear it is simply too much for them to bare. So they behave in a way which allows them to have space from you, talk to you less, or not talk to you at all; some of you will surprisingly not understand why their attitude has changed.

Hopefully you find the person who continues to treat you as you genuinely (which at times is hard to define), and appreciates the fact you are in a relationship. They also acknowledge and understand that at times people do not want to reveal their status. It’s crazy because the relationship word acts a repellent to some people because they may automatically assume they or even you may get too close, and quite frankly that can be assumed. They also may think your partner may get jealous, and again that can be assumed. But well done to the friendship that is honest, and establishes the boundaries and/or expectations in an understanding, clear, yet informal way, because both parties are willing to continue a friendship without minor misinformation destroying a friendship.

So remember if you do keep your relationship under the wraps for whatever reason, expect erratic and abnormal behaviour from disappointed individuals. Sometimes it is best to be straight up with people in general, so they know where stand, saving any form of potential heartache. But again it is totally your choice, no one is obliged to know anything until necessary.




This post was written under the assumption that a person in a relationship is not intentionally stringing someone along, or trying to create an affair.

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