You’re just a hamster on a wheel
Breakups are not nice, they never really hold a good feeling in some hearts. They can be expected or unexpected but the feeling of losing that person who was “yours” can be devastating to say the least.
Life goes on, but the feelings and thoughts for some stay put. On the exterior (the physical form of us and our expression) things may seem brilliant, as we act out the role of being strong, remember Everyone is an actor, realist or not. “On to the next one,” you say- When really you don’t jump on the next train, you wait at the station. Your friends understand what you’re going through based on their experiences but really they don’t because they simply are not you; they can only relate to your situation.
It’s been a couple of weeks and possibly months and you still have the same person at the back of your mind. But wait… you’ve met someone new, they have potential to be remarkable. You see so many things working with this person, you’re apparently compatible. You tell yourself “This is not going to be a failure like the last”. You’re talking- You’re kissing- You’re doing X-rated stuff *GREAT* But there’s a problem… they are not your ex.
The mind plays a terrible trick on people, you convince yourself that you are over that person because you’re not necessarily thinking about them a lot if at all, but the idea of them is subconsciously still very relevant to your thoughts and actions. You have not done enough to detach yourself completely from that person. Bringing another person into the scene is the worst thing you can do because things will only get worse, and you will become more vulnerable and susceptible to hurt. You may expect particular things from this newfound individual that you got from your ex, yet they are not able to deliver these expectations. You may not be aware of what you expect from them which is bad because it is a sign you are truly not over your last relationship.
It’s like this- You’ve stayed at your station for months now and you enthusiastically notice a new train coming your way. It looks different and exciting. You haven’t noticed what is says on the headboard i.e. where it is heading to. What the heck, you get on it anyways. You’re so excited to be on this train. Nearing the end of the journey you realise that the scenery outside is starting to look familiar. The voice of the train says “Next stop is Square 1”… you say “Wow” I don’t understand, I’m back at the same station I left from.
Terrible realisation but it happens to a lot of people. This may seem weird but the way I see it is that you need to condition and train yourself to get over someone. It’s almost like how athletes train, they are so dedicated to fulfilling their achievements, daily tasks, exercises indoors and outdoors until they get what they want. This is the same principle. You need to look at why you two did not work, and weigh out the pros and cons logically. Once you have done this logically i.e. with your head, not your heart, you can then start washing away what you felt for them in a systematic and controlled way, this is what I call Cleansing.
If you see them regularly don’t avoid them, but don’t go straight to the fire, it needs to be a complete balance. It’s a skill that needs to be learnt. Any conversations that may possibly arise between you two, need to be maintained at a particular level “friendship” or less; anything that induces a physical or emotional connotation to your thoughts must be eradicated. You want to get over them so it needs to be done properly. Any room for mistakes are a room for false hope i.e. thinking you can communicate with them in the same way as you did before. It doesn’t work, you’ll be digging yourself a deeper and deeper and even deeper hole.
Control everything related to them in a way that will 100% benefit you from getting over them. In these situations listening to your heart will get you killed. LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD! It will work because your head has rationalised the most likely negative and positive outcomes that may unfold in the future based on your actions.
Good Luck if this refers to you! That’s my advice for now
