You've allowed it to happen - Michael Tabirade

This post is specifically for women who are in romantic relationship or partnership with a man. Let’s be real, there are a lot of men who are hungry for women, and some men who have no integrity with their approach. With these particular men they can be disguised as a nice person with an ulterior motive, or a man who is straight up and open about his motives. The worse thing is that they do not care if you are in a relationship or not. You ever heard of that adage: “You are what you tolerate“? Well it is completely true! People allow relationships to be formed when they meet someone, and the quality of that relationship is determined by both parties, however there is control over the relationship depending on how serious you are about manoeuvring it, and what sort of quality you want it to have. In addition it helps to know what their intentions are… I am not saying you need to be pet detective (cos apparently men are dogs), but what I am saying is that there are some signs that show that a man has a romantic or sexual interest in you. It also shows that if you are in a relationship and he is still making sly moves, he doesn’t respect you as a woman, and he does not respect your relationship with your man. There are two reasons for this:

He has no real integrity and is not a gentleman
You’ve given him the idea you don’t respect the relationship

Do not be confused by the article that I’m advocating that you wear a T-shirt that reads “I am in a loving relationship, so go eat a carrot!”, however it is important to lock and seal the deal as early as possible by implanting into conversation(s) at different appropriate stages to say that you have a husband, or you have a boyfriend, or partner etc. We all know that feeling in our guts, and time when we know it should be said, before the opportunity window closes and it gets apparently complicated! We are creatures of habit, and through habitual conversations, the brain will begin to condition itself and understand that what you are saying holds true; and they will edge back ever so slightly. Some will, some won’t, but you can and that’s the difference.

If a man is subtly asking you to go swimming with him, or touches your side, gives you an overly personal wet kiss at the edge of your lips (disguised as a “cheek kiss”) or invites you to go to a “house party” with him, or makes suggestions about a “person” who describes your exact or very similar features, or has the audacity to be describing and heavily complimenting a particular part of your body in a joking way, they want you sexually… simple. They have done or said these things because it brings them closer to their wild imagination that they have planned in their head with you, you just don’t know it. By saying no in an appropriate way, you’ve had only one chance to remove yourself from that environment, otherwise you’ve told the man intuitively “I’m giving you a chance to chase me“. This is where the whole misunderstanding or understanding of “They led me on” has come from, whether it is expressed, under-expressed, or a complete lie for the purposes of creating guilt towards the woman (to possible eventually get her to feel sorry for them; sometimes an emotional vulnerability tactic). Guys know what they are doing, they are born opportunists, they will take a chance at anything. You know how the idiom goes “If you give him an inch, he will go a mile“. Once you understand this and you are truly thinking about this from the perspective of your partner, and you think like a man, then you will change your actions, provided you are in a good and healthy relationship.

If you tell your partner about what some guys have done or are doing on a regularly basis, and based on what is said they discover that you gave them an inch to play with, they will blame you and feel a certain way about it. This is sometimes with some very extreme examples why trust cannot be developed, because a man may feel that his woman is not holding the fort for them, they may feel that the woman has not got his back. A man wants to be proud to have his woman, and wants his woman to beat his chest, display him as the person that they will build the world with together!

These are some suggestions to help you potentially have an idea of some of the things that may help you in the future. Agree or not, many people will, because it happens everyday in different relationships!

N.B This does not support extreme examples such as sexual abuse or assault as they are of a very different nature.